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I’m a sixth grader in elementary school.
You may think I’m too young to know
the ways of the world. But I disagree.
저는 초등학교 6학년 학생입니다.
세상을 알기엔 너무도 어린나이라 보이지만
그렇지 않습니다.
My parents are divorced. I live with my mother
and sibling. I’ve seen my mother’s tears and
loud voices and my father’s beating a lot.
저희 가정은 이혼가정이에요.
엄마랑 동생이랑 그렇게 살고 있어요.
엄마의 눈물과 언성도 많이 보고 들었고,
아빠의 구타도 많이 보았어요.
I think I’ve become fainthearted because of
this familial problem, though I was originally
a cheerful person. I used to be friendly, and
outgoing with everyone I met, asking their
names or ages and holding their hands.
Now I hide or run from others, closing my mind.
그래서일까요?
명랑하던 저는 점점 소심해져갔어요.
늘 사람을 만나면 이름과 나이를 묻고
친구가 되자며 손을 꼭 맞잡았던 저는
이젠 사람을 만나면 뒤로 숨고, 피하고
마음을 닫아버렸어요.
I was eventually neglected by the other students.
I spent days, smiling hesitantly in the morning
and weeping at night.
어느 날 부터인가 아이들은
점차 저를 피해갔고, 저는 아침이면
애써 웃는 얼굴로, 밤이면 눈물로
그렇게 지냈어요.
One day, my classmate who was a below-average
student, through having many friends, was
nominated as an exemplary student and
was elected class president.
그런데, 어느 날 보았어요.
그렇게 잘난 것도 없는 아이가,
단지 친구가 많은 것뿐인데 모범어린이로 뽑히고,
반장이 되고 하는 걸 보았어요.
I thought I could be appraised as a good
student by my teacher and classmates, if I had
a good record and positive behavior. But it
was useless. Just an exercise in futility.
그래서 저도 열심히 공부하고,
매사에 적극적이면 선생님과 친구들에게
인정받을 줄 알았지만 소용이 없더라구요.
아무리 잘해도, 누구하나 부러워해주지 않았어요.
Although I studied very hard and obtained
good grades, I found I was nothing but a
‘jjinta’ today. My friends called me jjinta,
as though it were perfectly normal.
그래도 이 악물고,
열심히 공부해서, 상위권에도 자주 들고,
그랬는데... 오늘 다시 깨달았어요.
저는 찐따일 뿐이라는걸..
친구가 아주 당연스럽게 저에게 찐따라고 그러더라고요.
When I would hear this second hand,
I remained calm. However, I felt like
crying whenever I heard it in person.
소문으로 들을 땐 남의 입이라 괜찮았는데..
직접 앞에서 들으니깐 순간!
온몸에 소름이 돋으면서 울고만 싶었어요.
그래도.. 자존심 지키랴..
I just glared in defiance because of my pride.
I stood there absent-mindedly for about 10 minutes.
할 수 있는 행동은 노려보는 것 밖에 없었어요.
그렇게..10여분간을 멍하니 서 있었어요.
When I was about to tell my mother this story
after coming home, I burst out crying.
I desperately wanted to be viewed as a better
person by others. I tried so hard.
I was deeply troubled by this.
너무도 속상해 집에 돌아와서,
엄마한테 말하는데..막 울음이 쏟아지더라구요.
인정받으려고 사람들한테 나 잘난 사람이라고,
그렇게 보이려고 노력했는데
I’m afraid I should give up now.
My yearning to be looked at in a positive
light was so intense. So deep was the wound
in my mind from that word.
이젠.. 포기해야 되는 걸까요?
정말 인정받고 싶었는데.. 나도 사람이라고,
그런 말에 상처 받네요.
Though I got hurt in mentally, I was unable
to relieve it with a band-aid.
I feel like I got a big wound.
상처 받을 때마다 붕대로 감을 수 있는 맘이 아니라고...
이번엔 흉터가 크게 질 것 같아요. |
